BEING ME
The project has taken on different directions and meandered, but I feel the resulting work all sits together to tell part of my story. The process has been cathartic and allowed me to explore my Special Educational Needs in a way that I had not considered. The results at times have been emotional and difficult but I hope this resonates with people.
PELOTON
This is probably the most emotionally charged part of ‘being me’, in that there is nowhere to hide. I am the piece of work both inspirationally but also physically. Having my thoughts and feelings written on me, and standing on my own is both scary and liberating. I think the eight portraits work well together and allow the messages to be seen collectively. The different typography and the colours of the jerseys also add a great deal to the aesthetic.
Had I had more time and money I would have liked to develop this project by embroidering the jerseys, rather than manipulating the imagery digitally, and shooting the photos in a properly lit studio environment where I could have more control on the results.
The outcomes, similar to …and smile are a little unpredictable in the sense that they are recorded in public in an environment that I cannot control, changing light conditions, people, animals, dirt. All these combine to give the images an energy and a context that would be difficult to recreate in a studio environment. They also act as an anchor positioning me in society, while at the same time focusing on me, but just the reflection, so only partially there. I think some are more successful that others although viewed as a group they have a strong message.
I’m happy with the results of this project, despite it being initially hard to think of how I could represent this. The idea came from a party pack with moustaches, glasses and a pipe. The resulting self portraits where I use parts of my families features to hide behind, again tell and reinforce my story. The multiple features work well, but it is the simplicity of a single mouth or nose that I feel are the strongest visually. I also think that these represent how my family give me the confidence to see and speak, again adding another layer.
This was the starting point for ‘Being Me’. I have used paper bag masks in a previous project and I like the way they come in different sizes and shapes and maintain their three dimensional shape. As a collection I feel they represent a group of people well. I had originally thought to cover them in plaster and modrock, but concerned of how they would work outside I chose to use standard cheap gloss paint used for exterior doors and windows and ideal for being used outside. Having initially covered the insides and outsides I felt some expression/facial feature would add a human element so I’ve used a thick acrylic modelling paste to carve (I did this with a glove directly from the tube) mouths and in some cases eyes, and then poured over a second coat of paint on the red bag only and left outside to dry. All the bags were covered in white paint to contrast against the tree except for one red bag to represent me and my frustration and anger at not being able to understand.
The results when combined with the audio chatter I recorded at Tate Modern I think convey the message of not understanding, the crowd in this case but people in general.
Had the work not been intended for the park, but for an interior space I think I may have used the Modrock and Plaster as I could have manipulated, formed and set the bags to give the impression of abstract facial features, rather than the more illustrated style I produced.
Although this has possibly the simplest result in terms of the work, the final pieces are some of the strongest. I think this is in part due to their scale, but also the unpredictability of the resulting drawing. The fact that it is the process of swinging rather than me that is making the mark on the paper. There is something poetic in the resulting drawings.
I think it was essential to make the charcoal so I could control its strength and also the size I needed to mark such a large sheet of paper. This was an interesting side project that I would not have envisaged if it weren't for this project. Another aspect was experimenting to position the charcoal marks on the correct area of the paper so that the arc was lower on the paper, where you would expect to see a mouth. I think while its ok to view the work in isolation the accompanying photography and also the short film give the project its context.